that's beside the point though, i've managed to get myself off track. that will happen quite a bit, just a fair warning. i get easily distracted unfortunately. i've started many blogs before and was just never happy with the results. i'm not looking for people to just love my blog all of the sudden and send me hundreds of messages or anything. i just felt like i was forcing myself to care about things that just honestly didn't even matter to me. i was just trying to be something i definitely wasn't and i feel like that happens a lot in blogging. so this is my new beginning, i'm going to try to be a little truer to who i really am.
which is an absolute trainwreck of a girl who is only a month from being 21 and couldn't care less about the things that most of my peers do. i don't want a boyfriend, i have a complicated boyfriend-not-boyfriend which is more than enough for me. its a long story and no, i don't want to tell it. i really don't like partying and i think people shouldn't drink heavily in public so that's just for small gatherings of friends. i love comics and playing card games. sure i love shopping but not with other girls. i don't really like spending excessive amounts of time with girls because i will get annoyed, every single time. even though i act just like them, i have no trouble admitting it. my thoughts don't revolve around outfits and boyfriends (not that there's anything wrong with that) but i'm constantly worried about the future and the direction my life is taking. i always feel like i'm going to end up being a nobody and i'm just really not okay with that. i want to be really true to who i am from now on and i hope that my friends (and maybe even readers) will keep me to that goal. i'm tired of pretending (or trying) to be someone that i'm really just not. i want to be me, absolutely dorky and lame as i am. so bring it on future, i'm not the least bit prepared but i'm going to pretend i am. i will be somebody whether you are ready for it or not. i refuse to go gentle into that good night, my name will be known. don't get me wrong, i don't care if i'm famous or anything like that. i just want to make an impact on the world. leave something of myself behind. most importantly, a book. my ultimate life goal is to publish a book, but first, i've got to finish one. that's one thing i'm really working on. its november so let's see if i can crank out the 50k words to complete nanowrimo this year...it would be my first time actually finishing. but i'm off topic again.
this blog is just to chronicle my attempts to be more true to myself and leave an impact on the world, hopefully not just a mess of a blog because that would be a little sad. with that thought in mind, i leave you with a quote:
"i've never been a millionaire but i know i'd just be darling at it" -dorothy parker
until next time my basic bloggers,
renee
